Sound Mind Miami - Sex Therapy - Marriage Counseling - Sex Addiction Specialists Miami, Fl

AASECT Certified Sex Therapist - Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT)- LCSW - CAP

  • Marriage Counseling
  • Sex Addiction
    • Sex Addiction Screening Test
  • Sex Therapy
  • Addiction
  • Therapists
    • Charlene Lewis
    • Gianny Diaz LCSW, CAP, CSAT – Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
    • Melissa Taylor – Couples and Addiction Expert
    • Marcel San Pedro
    • Niurka “Nikki” Sotolongo (MS, LMHC)
  • Book Session
    • FAQ
    • Forms
    • Why we do NOT take insurance – You MAY still be entitled to reimbursement by your insurer!
    • Existing Patients Payment Portal
Marriage Counseling Miami - Sex Therapy Miami » Couples Issues » Address Discrepancies in sexual desire

Address Discrepancies in sexual desire

May 5, 2016 By Charlene Lewis

Discrepancy in sexual desire. Some imbalances between husband and wife, “I want more, she wants less.”

With that it’s, it could be multiple things. One of the first things that we rule out is anything medical, for both the male and the female. Having them do a medical workup, either by a primary physician, a gynecologist, a urologist. If it’s not anything medical, and it’s more relational, then we have to look at what’s going on within the couple. A lot of times there’s a loss of interest, a lot of times there’s resentment. If a couple’s resentful or if one of the two are resentful, than they’re not going to want to have sex. They’re not going to want to be intimate in that way. Sometimes couples can use that as a way of getting back and they withhold sex. They feel like they’re in control if they do that. ADHD can play a big part in it. It’s not a priority. The anxiety that one of the two may experience can all lead to this discrepancy.

One of the first things is the assessment piece. Needs to be extensive, and then once we figure out where the discrepancy comes, then there’s different exercises like sensate focus. If they need medication they can go on medication. Sometimes it’s about, like we said, coming to a balance. If one person wants to have sex seven times a week, and the other one has one, or wants to have it once a week, then it’s about can we reach a middle ground. This goes into a lot of what I see again where couple have this resistance to things being planned. The reality is that in our busy schedules, sometimes we have to plan for sex. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. A lot of times we get caught up in the way it is in the movies, where it’s spontaneous, and it’s great if couples have that. A lot of the couples I see don’t have that.

It’s either, we’re not going to have that, or we’re going to schedule it and a lot of times once the couples engage in treatment and start scheduling it, they all say that it’s improved, and that they’re happy that they did it, and that the scheduling isn’t that bad after all. With the discrepancy in desire again, it could be multiple issues. A lot of times which can be surprising for some, we have this stereotype where guys always want more sex and women don’t, but I could say that three out of five of my couples, it’s the other way around where the women have the higher sex drive than the males. The way that they want it, they want to be seduced, they want to be grabbed, they want to be manhandled. These are all words that they use. The males want the same thing.

The initiation piece is also a big one. One of them wants the other one to initiate. We address that by having these scheduled nights where one night, one person initiates, the other night another person initiates. It’s really important also for people to understand that they are responsible for their own sexual needs and they create their own sexual desire. No one else is responsible for your sexual needs. If you want to be sexually active, then it’s your responsibility to tell you partner. A lot of couples have this idea that they should know, or, “I’m not desired if he’s not initiating,” or “I’m not desired if she’s not initiating.” A lot of times that’s the farthest from the truth. It’s about you owning your own sexuality and being comfortable with it to say, “I want to make love to you, I want to be intimate with you,” and not feeling the shame around it of it’s taboo, or women aren’t supposed to ask for sex, or women aren’t supposed to want more sex than men.

With the theme of sexuality and couples coming into therapy for sex therapy, a lot of these old ideas come into play that are passed down from generation, that are passed down from society, and a lot of the therapy is just dismissing a lot of those myths and educating both people on what sex is and what it isn’t, and what they’re comfortable with.

 

Enjoy these Related posts:

  1. Miami Sex Therapist on Low Sexual Desire
  2. Women’s Sexuality
  3. All About Sexual Anorexia – A manifestation of Sex Addiction
  4. Rekindling desire
  5. Sexual Abuse on Sexuality: How might it effect you?
  6. Alcoholism and Drug Addiction- Stage One
  7. Childhood attachment issues addressed in marriage counseling
  8. What is compulsive masturbation?
  9. The Difference Between “Cheating” and Sex Addiction
  10. Erectile Dysfunction and Pornography
  11. Do we marry our parents?
  12. Sexual Compulsivity and Paraphilias
  13. Why Resentments Diminish Sexual Desire?
  14. Sex after the children take over
  15. How to regain intimacy
  16. Common issues that couples address with Charlene Lewis in Couples therapy
  17. Struggling with intimacy in recover
  18. Sex Addicts with Enmeshed Mothers
  19. Marriage Hack: empathy and compassion!
  20. Should couples seek individual counseling as well
Request Appointment

Join Our Online Sex Addiction Rehab

Am I a Sex Addict?

Take The Sex Addiction Test: See how you score!

More posts from this section

  • How do I know if I am an addict?
  • Can I learn to control my drinking?
  • Do I have to go to 12 step meetings?
  • What are the 12 step meetings about?
  • What is a sponsor?
  • What if I don’t believe in God?
  • If my problem is marijuana can I still drink?
  • Why and how did I become an addict?
  • Is addiction progressive? Will things get better on their own?
  • Do I have to stop socializing with my friends if I admit I have a drug problem?
  • I am a strong person and have a lot of will power, why can’t I stop?
  • My partner also drinks and uses drugs, is that going to be a problem for me?
  • How do I know if I need treatment?
  • What do I do if I have to go to an event where there is alcohol?
  • What are triggers?
  • Never drink again?
  • Can I drink non-alcoholic beer if I am an Alcoholic?
  • Is therapy right for me?
  • Do I really need therapy? I can usually handle my problems.
  • How can therapy help me?
  • What is therapy like?
  • Is medication a substitute for therapy?
  • Is therapy confidential?
  • Miami Sex Therapist on Low Sexual Desire
  • Couples Therapy Tip: Relationship Inventory
  • Anxiety and Stress
  • Alcoholism and Drug Addiction- Stage One
  • Alcoholism and Drug Addiction – Stage Two
  • Struggling with intimacy in recover
  • Alcoholism and Drug Addiction- Stage 3
  • Women’s Sexuality
  • Sexual Compulsivity and Paraphilias
  • Erectile Dysfunction in young men
  • The Difference Between “Cheating” and Sex Addiction
  • Sex Addicts with Enmeshed Mothers
  • How to Improve Communication in a Marriage
  • Erectile Dysfunction and Pornography
  • How to build intimacy after infidelity
  • What is compulsive masturbation?
  • Do we marry our parents?
  • Sex Addiction: an Attachment and Intimacy Disorder
  • Addiction: the family disease.
  • Gratitude: a fundamental practice for recovery of addictions.
  • What is gaslighting?
  • Process addictions
  • Does my partner suffer from sex addiction?
  • Why Resentments Diminish Sexual Desire?
  • 12 ways to manage stress
  • Sex Addiction 101 Slide Show by Patrick Carnes
  • Women and Sex addiction Powerpoint Presentation

 

Professional Seal for Charlene Lewis
Charlene Lewis, LCSW, CSAT, CAP, AASECT Cert
Miami, FL

Copyright © 2021 Log in 305-600-4964