Relationships fall apart when the emotional living space between partners isn’t being tended to. What we ultimately seek in a committed relationship is to love and to be loved, in a way that that allows both partners to flourish and feel safe. Recent work in attachment theory suggests that both partners can develop the ability […]
Marriage Counseling Miami
Marriage counseling can be an important step in keeping two people who love and care about each other in a loving, lasting relationship. Unfortunately, the idea of marriage counseling often stirs up feelings of resentment and failure and many couples look to it as a last resort. Instead, it should be a healthy and productive way of ironing out the difficult issues that occur in every relationship.
Why Should We Try Marriage Counseling?
Couples therapy is a way for couples to work out problems with an experience mediator. A trained and licensed therapist can help a couple work out their problems in a safe, non-judgmental environment. These problems can come from a variety of issues. Therapy can also help save an already failing relationship or renew a relationships missing spark. Marriage counseling can also help resolve underlying issues that have the potential to damage the relationship, before these issues become a problem.
Does Marriage Counseling Work?
Marriage counseling works when both partners are willing and able to communicate and compromise. Some couples who go into therapy together solve their initial issues, but as they change and grow the couple will return multiple times. Additionally, many couples do see marriage counseling as a last resort, and only go into it to appease their spouse before asking for a divorce. With couples who are committed to working on their relationship and pick the right marriage counselor, marriage counseling does work.
Are We Ready For Marriage Counseling?
A couple is ready for marriage counseling when they sense an issue forming that could destroy or majorly damage their relationship. They do not need to wait until the problem is so big that marriage counseling becomes a last resort. For a couple to be ready for marriage counseling both parties have to thbe willing. If one person is bullies the other into participating, it is unlikely that the counseling will have any lasting effect.
Marriage counseling can help couples that are dealing with anger issues, infidelity, communication issues, when considering divorce, and any other issue that cannot be resolved without outside intervention. However, marriage counseling is the wrong choice if both partners are not committed to it, or if one partner has already decided to get a divorce or otherwise leave the relationship.
How Long Will it Take?
The length of time that a couple spends in Miami marriage counseling depends on the nature of the issue and the willingness and ability of the couple to work out their issues. With some couples this may only take a few sessions, particularly if the problem has not been going on very long and is not very intense. Other couples may spend years in marriage counseling or may have many issues throughout their relationship that require counseling.
What Should We Know Before Choosing a Therapist?
Before looking for marriage counseling in Miami it is important to know your marriage counselors credentials and experience. Ask them what kind of issues they are comfortable dealing with. It is also important to know what kind of approach and techniques they use. There are a variety of schools of thought about psychotherapy and counseling, and it is important to pick the right counselor for you.
What Should We Expect?
You should know that your counselor, while highly trained, is not a miracle worker. A successful counseling session requires both parties to listen and share. The best way to prepare for marriage counseling is to find the right counselor. You need to remember to ask questions about credentials and experience. You can also prepare by learning about the length and frequency of the sessions, as well as what techniques your therapist uses.
Here are some articles and videos that I feel might be helpful in getting to know our process of healing a relationship:
What are the predictors of a successful relationship? Several predictors. We talk about building these love maps. Love maps is really knowing the inner psychological world of your partner, turning towards your partner … What we call “bids.” Right? Partners will kind of throw something out there to connect, and the other person is either […]
What are some predictors of divorce? The Gottman’s, in their research, have talked about several predictors. The 4 horsemen is one of them and that’s when couples use contempt and defensiveness and stonewalling and criticism. Another one is when negativity overrides positivity. Every time someone is arguing or talking, all that the individual focuses on […]
Can you recommend a technique to help improve communication? I think active listening is one of the most important techniques. Like I’ve said before that hearing and listening are 2 different things. I could hear the words but not really listen to what they mean. Active listening is a lot of repetition of what the […]
I think a marriage can survive anything as long as two people are willing to work on it. I think the infidelity needs to be explored as to the why. The one thing that I always make clear is that someone who goes outside of the marriage never does it because they weren’t getting the […]
In the early stages of treatment in couples therapy, what do you recommend that each individual has to do when everything is so wrong? That’s a tough stage. I tell partners sometimes things get a little worse before they get better. The reality is that their hour sessions, they’re coming once a week, sometimes every […]
Another one is the lack of sex, and a lot of times I tell couples at that time it’s crucial to schedule it. You can get really caught up in changing diapers, taking to daycare, cooking, all of the things that come with kids. Playing with them, being with them, and it’s very easy to […]
Another issue that couples present after they have kids is with child rearing, different points of view, different ways that they would do things. What’s important to one person may not necessarily be important to the other one, and that sometimes brings a lot of conflict. One of the things that we explore is why […]
Being very conscious about it. A lot of times, I see couples who … They come in. The presenting problem is lack of sex in their relationship. These couples usually have been married 5 years, 10 years. Inevitably, when I ask them when did the problem start, they always say, “After the kids. After my […]
What do you find when a couple comes in and one of the partners is basically saying, “This is all the other party’s fault?” From what I’ve seen in my own experience, everybody has a role and part to play. How do you deal with that person? I’m pretty straight forward with them. I always […]
There’s some personal work that needs to be done and then there’s work between the couple. Is it important that both patients are seeing individual therapists? What do you see? Yeah, that’s a very good point. I’m glad that you brought that up. Usually when I get a phone call I ask the couple if […]
Self disclosure. Tell me a little bit about what you’ve experienced personally or in your own relationship with therapy, Imago. It’s been a long road for me. I have definitely done all different types of therapy. I’ve done the emotionally focused, I’ve done the Gottman, I’ve done the Imago. Luckily, I have a very willing […]
It sounds like a lot of work, really getting into what makes you tick as a patient and trying to find out exactly why you think or behave the way you do and then leaving that all aside and really getting into the experience and past of your partner. It is. It’s definitely a lot […]
How would you use imago techniques to be able to have them relate on this sort of level? I think the crossing the bridge that Heidi and Yumi, who are 2 therapists that do imago here in Miami use, and basically it really requires one person to listen and not hear what the other person’s […]
Are there any exercises? Can you have them do something to be able to relate to each other in that way? In emotionally focused therapy, that’s kind of the way that I do it. Part of that therapy is getting one person to really do all of the talking at the beginning. You know, asking […]
What does it take to really be able to go inside and see, what that little boy or little girl is experiencing, or that they have experienced? Then kind of relate it to their behavior in the present? Safety, is primary. Safety and trust. As a therapist, I have to be able to gain the […]
Tell me a little bit about attachment or attachment disorders. Attachment is a phrase that has been gaining a lot of popularity in the last couple of years and really it started off with children and parenting styles. That’s kind of where it stems from and a lot of the research has shown that depending […]
Discrepancy in sexual desire. Some imbalances between husband and wife, “I want more, she wants less.” With that it’s, it could be multiple things. One of the first things that we rule out is anything medical, for both the male and the female. Having them do a medical workup, either by a primary physician, a […]
In the Gottman research it’s shown that in order for couples to have healthy conflict, there needs to be 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction. Now that’s a tall order! When I tell a couple that they look at me like I have 3 heads. That’s really key. A lot of this is […]
I’ve heard you mention the 4 Horsemen that rear their ugly heads for couples. Tell me a little bit about that? That is coined by the Gottman’s and the Gottman’s are therapists who have been studying couples for over 30 years in what they call their “Love Lab.” I’ve done some training in Gottman and […]
What are some of the most common themes or issues that are brought into couples therapy? I think one of the common trends that I see in my couples is one person wanting to connect, and the other person withdrawing. Not that they don’t want to connect, but they don’t really know how to connect. […]
All right Charlene, tell me how couples regain intimacy? That’s a good question. I think before going into the how to, it’s important to define what intimacy is for couples. A lot of times when I talked to couples, when they start talking about intimacy, one of the first things that they attached to that […]
The schlepper is the one that is doing the dragging. The “schleppee” is the one that’s being dragged into couples therapy. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the couple, there’s always one and the other. A lot of times I think that with couples, it’s important to accept that we have different personality types […]
As a couple’s therapist, part of what I do is observe couples communicating with each other. Two key elements that are crucial for effective communication are empathy and compassion. When I see couples in my practice and I watch them communicate with each other I find that although they are hearing the other person they […]
Recently, I saw a couple that has been married for 12 years and have 2 children. The husband presented his issue to me as: “ we are having difficulty communicating and we need to rekindle our relationship”. This issue is not unique to this couple, in fact many of the couples I see experience this […]
Speaker 1: What modality do you use to treat couples? Speaker 2: I love working with couples. I love just the dynamic in the room, and I use a lot of the techniques from Imago therapy. I myself went with my husband to an Imago training, and it absolutely changed our relationship, so I truly […]
I think one of the common trends that I see in my couples is one person wanting to connect, and the other person withdrawing. Not that they don't want to connect, but they don’t really know how to connect. That bleeds into sex, spending time together, parenting, a multitude of issues. I think one […]
I use EMDR when treating the trauma in the sex addicts. EMDR was founded by Shapiro. Basically it is reprocessing. Desensitizing, reprocessing, installing healthier cognitions, healthier ways of thinking. The way that I describe it is that we react to things in our everyday life and sometimes we have no clue why we react. […]
What are some of the most common themes or issues that are brought into couples therapy? I think one of the common trends that I see in my couples is one person wanting to connect, and the other person withdrawing. Not that they don’t want to connect, but they don’t really know how to […]
Gaslighting is a social phenomena and a psychiatric term that stems from a stage play during the 1930s called “Gas Light.” It was also later made into a movie starring Ingrid Bergman. In the story, a wife is made by her husband to think she is crazy, when in reality she is not. The husband […]
When couples get into heated arguments, accusatory phrases such as “You’re turning into your mother” and “You are just as bad as your father” can sting. But are you truly criticizing each other for some annoying attribute that calls a parent to mind — or are you recognizing an underlying similarity that drew you together […]
For a woman, intimacy in a relationship involves intimate shared moments, whether emotional, intellectual or sexual. When two persons have an intimate marriage, they communicate on many levels. While sharing certain common likes and dislikes matters, intimacy extends beyond mere shared commonalities. An intimate moment occurs when a man and woman are able to transcend the mundane world. A […]
Married couples find all sorts of challenges during their marriage. One of the most prevalent is keeping communication open and effective between the two spouses. Not all couples have an easy time relating to each other. Some may find that they need to go to couples therapy to solve these issues and other ones that they may […]
RELATIONSHIP INVENTORY Answering the following questions often leads to insight in my patients who seek both individual and couples therapy. Please describe your feelings in this relationship with your spouse, I.e. “I feel rejected when he/she …”, “I feel controlled when he/she does…” Describe your needs that are not being met. Do you feel some of […]