Relationships fall apart when the emotional living space between partners isn’t being tended to. What we ultimately seek in a committed relationship is to love and to be loved, in a way that that allows both partners to flourish and feel safe. Recent work in attachment theory suggests that  both partners can develop the ability […]

  There’s a lot of talk about sex addiction not being an actual addiction or it being too shaming of a term, what do you have to say about that? You know, I don’t get so caught up in the labels. I definitely believe in addiction. I do think that there is sex addiction, but […]

  What are the predictors of a successful relationship? Several predictors. We talk about building these love maps. Love maps is really knowing the inner psychological world of your partner, turning towards your partner … What we call “bids.” Right? Partners will kind of throw something out there to connect, and the other person is […]

  What are some predictors of divorce? The Gottman’s, in their research, have talked about several predictors. The 4 horsemen is one of them and that’s when couples use contempt and defensiveness and stonewalling and criticism. Another one is when negativity overrides positivity. Every time someone is arguing or talking, all that the individual focuses […]

  Can you recommend a technique to help improve communication? I think active listening is one of the most important techniques. Like I’ve said before that hearing and listening are 2 different things. I could hear the words but not really listen to what they mean. Active listening is a lot of repetition of what […]

  I think a marriage can survive anything as long as two people are willing to work on it. I think the infidelity needs to be explored as to the why. The one thing that I always make clear is that someone who goes outside of the marriage never does it because they weren’t getting […]

  In the early stages of treatment in couples therapy, what do you recommend that each individual has to do when everything is so wrong? That’s a tough stage. I tell partners sometimes things get a little worse before they get better. The reality is that their hour sessions, they’re coming once a week, sometimes […]

  Do you see the desire actually come back in these couples who don’t want to have anything to do with sex and then actually start scheduling it? Do you see that turn around at all? Absolutely. Absolutely, because once they can get past the who initiates, and the withholding sex because they’re angry, and […]

  Another one is the lack of sex, and a lot of times I tell couples at that time it’s crucial to schedule it. You can get really caught up in changing diapers, taking to daycare, cooking, all of the things that come with kids. Playing with them, being with them, and it’s very easy […]

  Another issue that couples present after they have kids is with child rearing, different points of view, different ways that they would do things. What’s important to one person may not necessarily be important to the other one, and that sometimes brings a lot of conflict. One of the things that we explore is […]

  Being very conscious about it. A lot of times, I see couples who … They come in. The presenting problem is lack of sex in their relationship. These couples usually have been married 5 years, 10 years. Inevitably, when I ask them when did the problem start, they always say, “After the kids. After […]

  What do you find when a couple comes in and one of the partners is basically saying, “This is all the other party’s fault?” From what I’ve seen in my own experience, everybody has a role and part to play. How do you deal with that person? I’m pretty straight forward with them. I […]